im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
