I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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