i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
