im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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