I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
