nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
