Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
