you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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