Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Oh god it's open bar.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
