OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
