I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i don't like sucking hair
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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