dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
