Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
