I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
