WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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