Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
