I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
