I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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