is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
