Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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