Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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