My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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