just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My liver just had a heart attack.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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