HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
