I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
