he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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