I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
