My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
