I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
