i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
As shirtless as possible
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
