how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
