Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You ruined the universe
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
