just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
