my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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