We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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