I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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