I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
