just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
