why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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