I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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