We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
