I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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