just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
