she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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