If i come over, it means nothing
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hippo gnu deer
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I would ride that face into the sunset
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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