but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
