Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
