You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
