do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
