Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i've created a new STD.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
